I am of course no scientist interested in proving this theory with fact-based evidence, but that notwithstanding, I have fashioned a new formula; mf+b=4c +rfe that favours my life in good fortune, hitherto unexperienced. If you are not mathematically inclined or without empirical expertise, my formula espouses a male friend and benefits equals company, conversation, compatibility and cock as a relationship of fun and enjoyment

With a plethora of males and females seemingly searching for a relationship online with someone who has to “tick” the right boxes to initially establish some digital rapport, no excuse for my pun if you even get it and not that I’ve ever experimented or explored this avenue for amity, my narrative is based on here say and anecdotal accounts, while my formula excludes any emphasis on anything other than talk and touch; talk that’s mutually interesting and respectful as well as touch that’s psychologically insightful, physically intimate and holistically inviting. I have labelled it a relationship but it does not involve any unrealistic social demands on the other’s time, any expectations of fictitious fantasy or a tango of long-lasting togetherness. It’s ultimately about having fun and enjoyment without any desperado delusions.

In today’s Sunday Herald Sun, journalist Katie Bice maligned, albeit methinks with realistic appraisal, the Channel 9 program, Married At First Sight, advising that a dose of this diatribe might just “get any partnership back on track.” She wrote: “Nothing will make you realise how lucky you are to have each other than a glimpse at what’s on the other side of the fence.”

Elaborating on her negative denunciation, she said the blokes invest half their wages on hair products, lucky they still have some to preen, while the women have “princess complexes”, hoping for a Prince Charming; concluding that “they are all a sorry example of single life…” I have never watched this program, and certainly now have no desire to even bother; my formula attesting that my single life is not a piteous, princess portrait, but a celebration of meeting a man as a friend; plain and simple, not online or on TV or by any devious Machiavellian machinations of well-meaning but ignorant others.

Liking lattes, reading newspapers old-fashioned hard copy style and a shared indulgence of being garrulous, sparked our friendship which is now over three years young, with some ability to listen complementing the amicable liaison as well as a mutual appreciation of the joy and pleasure of sex, love not compulsory.

Readers can use my formula however and wherever they want and any feedback that enhances my non-existent scientific credentials will be thoughtfully acknowledged. Make hay will the sun shines!